Well, it’s been a great couple of months since Thanksgiving and I’ve had a wonderful few months of making new friends and dating. Last night I viewed an interesting Utube video from an LDS guy (titled Choices for a Gay Mormon), who discussed 4 options for dealing with his sexuality and religion. Interesting, definitely worth watching. There were lots of insightful comments, although I didn’t agree with everything he said.
There is an incredible amount of exhilaration, freedom, and happiness when freed by the chains of “self loathing” about one’s sexuality. Many LDS leaders have stamped homosexuality as a susceptibility, vice, cross to bear, handicap, trial, challenge, etc… I have personally found that when I fully accepted that God made me this way, and that God couldn’t make mistakes, it was electrifying.
This is an opposite perspective as opposed to what the church would advocate, that being gay is like having a cross in life to bear. How much further than the truth. There is no difference than a gay person embracing his/her sexual identity than a heterosexual individual.
Consider two different stages:
Stage 1: Convince yourself that you do indeed have a “vice” as given you by God that your inner sexuality needs to be suppressed and kept at bay. Convince yourself that the millions of people born attracted to the same gender was some kind of trial given by God, so that you would need to suppress your sexuality to see if you bore the test well.
Outcome: Well, I used to participate in a message board called Disciples2. Most of the guys on this message board participated in stage 1. They were the most dysfunctional group of guys around. It seemed that most were physically, emotionally, sexually, and relationship handicapped. It was so very sad. I can’t even begin to describe the depression and dysfunction associated with suppressing one’s sexuality while trying to participate in a church where homophobic comments have been common place and individuals are not accepted for who they are. Very tragic! The sad thing is these guys can’t see it. The outcome? Chains and shackles around the soul.
Stage 2: Accept yourself and celebrate your sexuality as a gift from a loving Heavenly Father. Let go of the “self-loathing” that there is something wrong with you. Celebrate that you are terrific, just as blessed as the next. Look for quality relationships with other gay men, and look for someone special you can spend the rest of your life with. Be honest in every way and feel no need to hide who you are. If you want to date a man, feel free to hold his hand. If you feel attracted to him, feel free to embrace and kiss. If you are attending church together, feel free to hold his hand or put your arm around him. Be yourself with no need to engage in secrecy.
Outcome: Greater inner peace with living an honest life.
Ok, maybe I over-simplified things a bit, but I’m trying to describe the difference between honesty and dishonesty.
What if someone says, “Well, we can accept that you’re gay, but just don’t act on it?” That would be a common line in the church. Well, reverse the tables--- would you say that to a heterosexual person? “We can accept that you’re a heterosexual, but just don’t act on it?”
I feel like getting on the housetops and shouting out some of the conclusions I've arrived at. It's fantastic! I have been dating and making new friends. More to come on that.
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